i emerge victorious, and laughing


then rain held off and i got to the theatre dry and in plenty of time. home movie was ok. actually it was painfully sad. no one in it had an easy life, and it seems that’s why each escaped to a freaky, and somewhat secluded house. the house boat dude was an alligator wrangler. he had chunks missing from various parts plus he had 3rd degree burns on his torso. the dude in the totally 50s disney house of the future type contraption was seriously caught in that era, including the psychic phenomena malarkey from back then. totally harry houdini/elvis. he had this weird white trash chick hanging around him too. and she wanted to be a movie star. when she said that everyone laughed. it was all kinds of wrong. there was the family that lived in the missle silo. they were all 90s new age- crystals and drum circles and ohhh.

by this point i was starting to realize that freaky house are for people with no social lives. then the clincher was the cat house. 2 people, 11 cats. and the entire place was really the domain of the cats not the people. it was scary. i guess the most impressive thing was the old lady who lived in the hawaiian valley. she had lots of success, and lots of tragedy. she had serious joint problem and the humidity wasn’t helping. she looked pretty freaky, but she spoke hawaiian beautifully. she also used to have a japanese tv show. holy cow. honestly, the whole movie long i was just waiting for it to be over i wanted my metalhead burnouts.

i got what i wanted, but i didn’t know what i had gotten myself into. it was like some chinese curse. first, the entire thing is shot on video. probably vhs, on an old camera with a slow refresh rate. in the opening shot they are actually driving into the lot and everything is an awful blur. but once they get out of the car and start walking, things are totally bearable, picture wise. it’s hard to believe heavy metal parking lot was filmed in 1986. clothes ran the gamut from 1982 – 1986, everything from preppy to zebra print lycra. everyone was drunk and making hilarious statements about priest, and about dokken, who was opening. virtually no mention of metallica (who didn’t really break until 87, sadly) but lots of skorpions. oh yah, one dude wouldn’t shut up about twisted sister. it’s funny, all the girls knew. not a single one wanted to screw rob halford, they all wanted glen tipton. at the end they showed halford on stage and he was SO GAY.

it was a trip down memory lane. reliving the worst years of my life (high schools) in a matter of about 18 minutes. it made me laugh. it made me cringe. and i’d probly watch it at least ten more times. hopefully next time with pals.


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