gainesville east


lucas, heather and i flew in to orlando and then drove to gainesville together. we got in late thursday but things went exactly as you’d expect. from the moment we landed we were barraged with calls from ted and barbara- “where are you now?” “don’t go there, we’re all at my mom’s house now” “how close are you?” for the entire 2 hours it took to get our sorry asses from orlando to g-ville in the rental car.

when we got to ted’s mom’s house, there was too much food waiting for us, of course. what else would you expect. the house was full of ted’s relatives and some local friends of ted and babs, many of whom i had met at one time or another in SF. everyone was friendly and happy, of course. i spent most of the hour there chatting and eating. then it was time to go out for drinks. we show up at the top, this bar i’ve been hearing about for 5 years now, and there’s at least one person i know at practically every table. i’m 3000 miles away from home and still making the rounds. it’s hilarious. i start to realize why ted and babs have a special place in their heart for g-ville. there wasn’t much time left before last call, and we barely had time for one drink. so the bar closes and we wind up going to some house party around the corner. i’ve been in gainesville like 2.5 hours so far, mind you.

the next day is wedding day. a lazy morning gives us a chance to recuperate before an afternoon doing some work to help prepare things for that evening- moving equipment, fixing up a club for the after party, etc. a shower later and the next thing you know we’re herding guests out to a lawn. you’ve never seen a more hip, interesting field of guests. ted’s mom wore a traditional philippino dress, barbara’s mom a traditional korean one. ted’s whole philippino contigent, as well as ted, wore barongs- these traditional dress shirts. real cool. the rest of the guests were super trendy, as you might expect.

gainesville was probably shocked because i doubt they’ve seen this many asians at one time- ever. in addition to every asian kid who grew up in gainesville attending, ted and babs had a ton of family from all over visiting too. i was shocked because i’ve never met a group of more touch-feely asians in my life- especially once they got a few drinks in ’em. everyone was real friendly by the time the drinks started flowing at the reception. of course things stayed friendly, they also stayed pretty calm too.

once we got to the after party, that’s where those of us under 40 finally got loose. more drinking and good music led to alot of dancing, fun and some serious debauchery. ok, maybe not as much debauchery as what we heard went on wednesday at the bachelor party, but let me just say this. an hour or two into the after party ted was nowhere to be seen because he was camped out in the bathroom sick. when we finally saw him again, ted couldn’t really stand on his own any more. he kept trying to let go of people and dance, and he would find himself on the floor a few seconds later every time. it was pretty amusing. by the end of the evening we were all giving ted a run for his money sobriety-wise. girls were dancing on tables, everyone was groping and stumbling. everyone bid ted and babs good night and i actually got to ride them back to the b+b on a bicycle rickshaw. it was muy fun.

the next day andy and sarah beat on our door at 9:30 (which means we got about 5 hours of sleep, it’s true, since we all stayed up when we got back the night before) to wake us up for breakfast. eventually everyone else dragged their sorry asses out of bed, which was good since the coffee at breakfast was so weak that i needed to send a local out for backup. once everyone was up and awake and ready we all drove out to some clear springs- only they weren’t that clear.

the pool was fed by this kinda sulfur smelling spring from down in the ground. there was tons of moss and plant crap so it was more murky than anything. but the pool then fed into this river which was cool and clean. lots of folks rode inner tubes down the river, a few swam up and down it. most of us just sat around and ate bar b q, drank and fooled around in the water. while we were lazing around, chao, spencer, evil erik and i saw the funniest thing happen. sad, but funny. i noticed this woman was having some problems- not like drowning or anything- she was just struggling to get this inner tube off of her. i had noticed a number of adults walking around with inner tubes around their waists who would just walkin into the pool and float around there. many of these people were overweight so the inner tubes would not fall down past their hips. this particular woman had a very large chest as well and somehow the inner tube was caught between her chest and her hips. she just could not get it up and over her tits and arms. she struggled for a good five minutes before she started to free herself. it was funny. it was funny until she got up out of the water and we witnessed her thighs. they were beyond cellulite, they were compsed of hundreds of FOLDS not just pocks of fat. so what did we do? we ate more bar b q.

that night started out in good faith. we all went our separate ways for dinner around gainesville and met up at a coffee shop after. but our good intentions soon went astray as we went back to the B+B where there werre still like 2 cases of champagne and some wine and a whole cake waiting for us to continue our hedonism. we drank and ate and talked and laughed and made alot of noise until the wee hours.

it was all we could do to get up, pack our shit and clean up the house by noon, but we did. which left us 2 hours to relax by the pool the back at ted and barbara’s apartment. as the time approached for me, lucas and spencer to head back, ted and barbara started to get sentimental. they came up with on the fly plans to keep us down in gainesville longer. when i asked how to get to the freeway, ted said “i’m not gonna tell you, because then you can’t leave.” it was so touching.


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