self fulfilling prophecy


i’m *this close* to 35. just about a week, actually. and i’m dreading it. it’s not that i feel old, or even that i’m afraid of getting old. it’s two things. when it comes to birthdays on multiples of five i tend to evaluate my life, only to find that i’ve never accomplished at much as i’d hoped to, at least by traditional definitions of success (money, stuff, relationships, etc). this time is no different. i’m already not sleeping well, and i’m havin a hard time doing pretty much everything else too- except for kickboxin, that is.

to double my pain, double the fun, i’ve had some seriously awful luck on these same birthdays. 20, 25, and 30 were pretty much total disasters. in fact i’ve only had one bad birthday that wasn’t on a year divisable by 5 – when we had my dad’s stone-setting on my birthday. since his funeral was on my mom’s birthday, it was only fair that both our birthdays were fucked up that year. i’m taking steps keep this disaster from happening this year. now that i’ve established myself and my circle of friends, i should at least have a good celebration, breakdown or not.

so i know i’m breaking the bad birthday cycle, shouldn’t i be able to break the breakdown cycle? as of today, instead of worrying about failing at age 35. it’s time to devote that energy to succeeding. usually i’m pretty good at this, so it’s time to use my powers for good not evil.


2 Responses to “self fulfilling prophecy”

  1. 1 Johnny

    Buddy: If I was there in SF I would be the ringleader of the apartment-painting efforts.


    quit think about the bad things that will happin and start thing what good would happy on your brithday maybe it will turn out to be the best brithday ever.

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