they clasped their hands together and screamed “kill!”

11Dec05

johnny and i had one of the most intensely personal conversations we’ve had in a while today. we spent days together bullshitting about everything and talking about a few serious things here and there too. then, in the car on the way back to the airport, we start talking. well actually john starts talking. i listen for the most part.

i’d feel bad writing about the details of our conversation here. i don’t think the possibility i might blog it was one of those things that john was going to think about before our heart to heart. so i will leave out the aspects of john’s life that we talked about. they’re for him, not me, to share. but we uncovered some things about me too.

i have been very lucky. especially lucky. i was able to meet an amazing group of friends in school. 6 or 7 guys who i would do anything for at any time and i know they would do the same. but i have been more lucky than most in that i have been able to meet additional friends who i feel the same way about since i left school. most of them i have met in san francisco, or at least met once i moved to sf. every friend i’ve met, whether in college or sf, i have a great deal in common with. we have similar tastes in many things, but we still have many differences. differences i often admire these people for.

because i date the same sex i am friends with i don’t judge what makes a good date or lover or boyfriend separately from what makes a good friend. my rich and varied friends, all of whom i share inseparable bonds and many commonalities with, have spoiled me for dating. i find it nearly impossible to find a man worth dating because i have so many good friends and i’d like to find a man who could live up to any of them – both in similarities in differences. and those men are few and far between, even in SF.

unfortunately, knowing why i’m alone doesn’t make me any less alone

Advertisements


No Responses Yet to “they clasped their hands together and screamed “kill!””

  1. Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: