there is a pit in my stomach the size of china, and it’s not just because i’m finally hungry after 4 days of the flu. it’s because perry and i went to see brokeback mountain, and it was everything i hoped. the pit lasted for 12 hours of excruciating loneliness, during which time i have rewritten this post. my first effort was an embarrassment and an insult to the film.

i have to retract my premature judgement. not that i thought the movie was going to be bad, but i thought jake and heath were approaching it wrong. they were approaching it exactly right. they were approaching it exactly like i approached being gay. i understand exactly why they made certain statements about their characters. watching that movie was like alot like watching the story of my life as a gay man.

i too was raised to be homophobic and didn’t understand how to embrace my own sexuality. and so we approached it using the only cultural analog we had – the lonely hero. i was obsessed with the lonely hero in college – especially the misogynist ones. i still am obsessed with the lonely heros and have developed a love for asian movies partially because of this. not only are the characters in brokeback aware of the lonely hero but the whole movie is. and like me, they are still alone in the end. i fear the pit in my stomach is for the end this movie is likely showing me for myself.

the acting, the story, and the directing were all impressive. ang lee was a master at pacing and of course, at cinematography. perry thought the movie was a little slow but compared to a wong kar wai movie it was actually fairly fast. like all ang lee films, this film was his own attempt at someone else’s genre. and even though in this case you could easily say it was a gay twist on the classic spaghetti western love story, i’d say it was more like a western twist on a wong kar wai film. i mean, think of it. there’s a couple who, despite their attraction for each other, can’t really be together. even if they do manage to spend time together, they can’t have a relationship. and in the end they must be apart forever but that’s when they realize they truly were in love. it’s the plot behind every wong kar wai movie i can think of. but because this one was americans, and in english, and about gays it hit even closer to home.


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