why i do not own a gun
this last stint in vegas, we stayed at the imperial palace. warning: do NOT stay there. while i sleep better in cheap hotels casinos like that place – especially ones with windows that open – the showers are never the same temperature for more than 1 minute, they charge you a dollar a day to use the phones even if you choose not to use them, and the rest of the place is equally ghetto. the one good thing about the place is that is connected to a monorail stop, so it’s easy to get to the convention center or down to other casinos at the south end of the strip.
but if you want to go north on the strip, you have 3 choices: you can walk out the front door and up the strip, fighting the tourists and the gauntlet of mexican porn purveyors. you can go out the back door and play a dangerous game of frogger, crossing a 6 way intersection with no crosswalks to get into the venetian’s parking lot and then the casino, or you can go through harrah’s and right out to the grand canal entrance into the venetian. only if you go through harrah’s, you have to go by toby keith’s “i heart this bar and grill.”
although i’ve heard the name toby keith before and new he was one of those new pop country stars i despise, i learned to hate him more every time i had to go by that wretched place of his, blaring that awful pop country shit all hours. yes, there’s crappy country music all over vegas, but usually most of it just falls away into the din of bleeps and blips and screams. but toby’s bar and grill is not on the casino floor or some busy thoroughfare, it’s in an otherwise empty hallway.
every time i had to go by that awful place, i couldn’t help but thinking about how two of the marines in generation kill kept calling country music the special olympics of music. even the winner are losers. and it’s true. and every time i had to go by that bar i got a little more angry. and by the last day i realized that country music is one of the many reasons why i do not own a gun. i fear i would not have the self control to resist going in and shooting everyone in the place. i mean how could anyone worth saving actually listen to that crap?
i definitely thought everyone in there deserved to die once craig told me who toby keith actually is. it turns out he’s some uber redneck who sings ultra patriotic songs about bombing iraqis and shtooping twins. how can shit like that not piss me off. i mean if you had a gun or some explosives, wouldn’t you take that place out? yah, i know i’m not alone here. cobert, persons, if you’re reading this i could use your help.
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