back when all the most creative people in the US were inventing the future high on meth, this wacked out architect called paolo soleri became famous – not for what he built, but what he talked about building. paolo was a charismatic figure, like bucky fuller, and like bucky, he thought he had all the answers. at least bucky built stuff that worked. i still have some respect for paolo because i know his heart was in the right place, and though he said some very unpopular, they often rang with truth. truth that people did not want to face.

paolo once theorized that gay men were in love with themselves. they are narcissistic and in love with their own reflection. and thus they fall in love with someone else like them – meaning a man. i would take it a step further and say that most gay men are not just attracted to the same sex, but also the same phenotype. at first this manifests itself in some sort of weird racism. despite the fact that more gay couples are interracial than straight couples, many gay men will not date outside their race, and if they do, it seems to be limited almost exclusive to black-white couples. although i can’t prove the following, i would venture to say minorities are more likely to date minorities than white men are.

but this narcissism goes well beyond race – it follows body type, height, and other physical qualities. so many gay couples that you see in the castro literally look identical – 6′ tall steroid queens, a couple of well groomed twinks, or goateed bears. and here’s the funny thing – not that i’m attracted to overweight hairy men, but the bear thing was supposed to be an alternative to all the overly primped, tightly confined gay stereotypes. and now it has become a stereotype of its own that is equally exclusive. i’m not the only one who has noticed this.

i admit i have been attracted to guys who look like me before – or at least guys around my own height (and sometimes build), but i’ve never been confined to one race or even one body type. and like the kid who wrote dan, trying to meet a guy who doesn’t look like you is almost harder than trying to meet who does.


One Response to “narcissism”

  1. 1 kevin norman

    Creating a “look alike stereotype” of mano a’ mano action, while phenominal in some sense, is a misnomer. Equally, BuckMinster Fuller was not a man who thought “that he knew everything”. “Bucky” just wanted to devote his life to helping the world in some way via his inventions (the Dymaxion Corporation of ’32) and his architecture: In which he has said in his last memior “The Critical Path” that building codes kept him from realizing many of his dreams. He said in his last interview in ’84 that he “just didn’t want to be remembered as an upstart”.
    I would think that a more reasonable understanding of homosexuality in general, in not from any type of “self adoration”. Quite the contrary. Carl Jung ventured to say that homosexuality was a desire for a nurturing parent. I would not necessarily mean to say that homosexuality in a Freudian sense, is in any way infintile. Indeed anyone is capable of making “infintile sex”. Narcissism, according to Dr. Eric Neumann in his ’50 “The History and Origins of Consciousness” relays that it is a necessary evil of the “germ of Ego development”. Many upon minions of people exhibit some form of “latent psychological baggage”. If two people who happen to prefer someone who is a self perceived aesthetical equal, then so be it. We donot confine younger generations from equally loving someone who is in their estimation of a preferable equal aesthetic.

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