the butt of your jokes

20Jun06

there is nothing more i can do. years of kicking, cycling, and now months of squats have toned my ass into a significantly less flabby version of its former self, but it’s not getting any smaller. now, as a gay man, that should not be a problem. most homos dream of having a nice round ass, or bubble butt as some still call it. but those men have never had the problem buying pants that i have.

you see, when have a big ass – not a wide ass – just one that sticks out a ways, it’s hard to find pants that fit. either you miraculously find a pant cut with a generous butt, or you have to go up a waist size or two or three. and if you do that, then the rest of the waist material, that isn’t actually necessary, just sticks out there in the air, above your ass. it’s not a pretty sight.

a few years ago i could find plenty of pants and jeans with the right cut. levis had 3 whole lines cut for big butts. there were dress pants, there were tons of shorts. but it’s getting harder and harder to find anything designed for men with asses. the skinny rocker boy look is in and most those dudes do not have butts. there is one exception and that is two cuts from g star. but you can’t exactly build a whole wardrobe on the same pair of jeans in different finishes.

this weekend i tried on 20 different pairs of pants and jeans and only found one that fit. it was so fuckin frustrating. i mean i’m in great shape. it should not be this hard for a fit dude to find pants that fit. so designers, please bring back all those pants with canted waistlines and little extra in the ass. i’d appreciate it.

and while your at it could you please tell me your secret? have you ever notice that when you try on a decent pair of jeans or pants that they make your package look huge? how do they do that? because damn you buy those pants and you feel like a porn star for the first few days you wear ’em. then whatever magic there was goes away. can’t they do something to make that last?

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