we all have a dark past


oh god. why couldn’t someone send me an email saying “blog your 5 favorite movies” or something. instead veronica wants me to share 5 things that most people don’t know about me. since the only people who read my blog probably know me too well, this isn’t going to be easy. i’m pretty forthcoming, to my friends, to my blog readers, well to anyone, except about anything that happened before college. so i immediately panic – how am i going to say in my blog what i don’t say to anyone? i go over the option of writing out a very long story of my dark pre-college days and pulling out the 5 facts in footnotes or something david foster wallace style. it would be a good read, but it would be depressing and most of you would either write me asking if i need help or just not talk to me again.

after calming down i realized there was plenty that no one, not even my closest pals, know about the post-ohio me. so hey. i can do this.

  1. i don’t do drugs because none of them work the way they should. every single one i tried seems to have some negative effect or no significant effect at all. once i realized i wasn’t having the same fun everyone else was, i decided to spend my money on better things.
  2. although i wasn’t out yet, i figured out i was gay when living in lake placid. there was a little gay bar there, but i never went in. of course, i wasn’t drinking back then, so i had no clue what i’d do in a gay bar.
  3. gays love to have sex in parks. i don’t know why. but i’ve been a party to it too. my first park sex was a blow job from a dude i picked up in a bar by talking to him about his gun. he was a security guard and had a baretta beretta. (see below)
  4. there are 3 bands that people who i respect love and that i hate. i don’t usually talk about it because everyone loses a little respect for me when i tell them that pink floyd, credence clearwater revival and rush all turn my stomach.
  5. even though i have to turn them down, it totally boosts my ego when girls i meet at the gym, in bars, at parties, etc get bold and ask me out on dates. it should be noted that a guy has never asked me out in the same situation.

so there you go. we made it. now i have to think of who to tag. i’m going to make some of you dig up some secrets soon. so be prepared.


3 Responses to “we all have a dark past”

  1. 1 jesse

    I honestly don’t mean for this to sound innappropriate or insensitive, and I think I’ve had a fairly good track record of avoiding any blatant homophobia. You know I think of you as a dear friend and I would never imagine to question your judgement or lifestyle.

    That said, I honestly find it disgusting that you could write such a thing in a public forum. It’s a serious shock to my sanity and it has me questioning my faith in you and our friendship over these past few years.

    It’s spelled Beretta. Come on man.

  2. 2 eric

    curses! i was going to blame it on barats and bereta but even that’s spelled with 2 e’s. dammit.

  3. 3 joeyjoseph

    I owned one of those when I was a kid. It was made of plastic. I don’t know where it came from. It was always a bit of mystery for me, one of those things that must’ve always been there. I just found it in a toy box one day. It had a working projectile system of some sort, but no projectiles. Why am I telling you this? Because yesterday or the day before Adrienne and I were walking along some street and I saw one in a window or with a real cop or something. And then you mention it here! Isn’t that weird? A small world yes no?

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